enlighten me baby

I don't think i've ever realised it. how i distract myself with endless movies or books, series of stories that kept me half entertained. they filled me with false satisfaction. something that comes from only one thing; distress.
it's dawned on me now. i get it. although i'm scared shitless about what i have to do, i understand that it's the only way to grow, learn, live. SURVIVE.
i need to turn myself inside out. tear it all apart. start again. face my fears. get everything straight. then once i'm happy with the outcome, i'll allow life to twist it up again. but not yet. not now. not when i need a potent state of mind the most.
And it'll make me stronger. hopefully.