addicted.

Tumblr.
It's the new thing.
And I'm pretty sure I'll be writing on tumblr now.
http://taylorsimes.tumblr.com/

MAKE ONE! It's a lot quicker.
Text.
Photo.
Quote.
Link.
Chat.
Audio.
Video.

I've changed my mind about it. It's easier than blogger. And way more fun.

Sorry blogger. But you're being outdated.

exhaustion.

I like hot ham and cheese rolls. Best winter snack in the world.
I like being socially connected. Facebook. Twitter. Blogger. Formspring.

I like being exhausted. It means you worked your hardest.

I quite like short phone calls. Because I never really liked talking on the phone.

I equally like having lazy nights in. They're my favourite type.

i love seeing my family laugh in the most unexpected situations. Sounds, smells, and screeches. To, from, and during a trip to Marion. Good times.

i love being a role-model to people who might walk my path. To think that I'm helping to mould their life. It amazes me.

i love knowing that tomorrow will be a good day. and the next.

i lovelovelove getting to know new people.

And they're the topics of my day.

Sorry for being so boorrriiingggg!

I'll think up something good soon.

Love to you all.

exultant is the word.

I finished a bit of schoolwork. That's always a nice feeling.
Then I sat in front of the fire with Moet, talking until a good amount of time was in the past.
I'm full of good food that Mum, Nathan and I cooked together, sharing stories as we went. We ate it while watching Two and a Half Men. We laughed a lot.
I have so much excitement for the weekend. Doubts, many! Nervousness, a little. But it's mostly a fit of positive emotions. I'm working with the littlest choir girls at their music school all day tomorrow and half of Sunday. That in itself I'm absolutely ecstatic about! Sunday arvo is our dance competition, finally. It seemed to me like we finished our routine in pleanty of time.
So here I am, a little ball of controlled energy.
I can hear the tapping of my fingers against the keys. I can hear my brother's too, not 10 metres from me.
My mum is wrapped up in her dreams on the couch, breathing softly. It's melting me from the inside out. Not quiet, not loud. How lovely.
AND DAD JUST GOT HOME! That's the brightest ornament on tonight's tree.

Oh, and apparently I'm the 'hot chip queen'!

On a more depressing note, I like this:
'If it's not getting better, it's getting worse. And when it appears to be getting better, it comes crashing down again.' - Andrea Masson!

But I feel like I have wings and could fly away at any moment.
This is where it begins.

a wise woman once said,

Coz I've got my guitar on the back seat
Now I'm setting down this road
There's nothing more that I need
Why do I feel alone

Coz I'll be alright all I need is a sign
It's a long road

But I'm hoping things would just get better

Well I need to find

With everything on the line

I got to make a change

It's now or never

when one door closes, another door opens.

Today was very up and down. Like it always is, I guess.

I was restless in a lot of my lessons. Probably because we were doing exam prep when all I wanted to catch up on assignments/class work I missed when I was sick. Pity I didn't realise it at the time, and just tuned out everything instead of doing something productive. Even if it was exam prep. Shit.
I guess when you feel prepared, you can do anything. I think that's the case for me. I can prepare myself for something good or bad to happen throughout the day. I can be honest and keep reminding myself that I've been better or worse. But what sucks, is that I don't expect the unexpected. That's what threw me off balance today.

I definitely need new pens. Ones that won't leak through to the opposite side of the paper. Silly ballpoints.

Tell me lovely, what ever happened to confidentiality? Private? Not you? Any of this ringing any bells?

Just to get to next semester soon would be amazing. Or even just this weekend, for choir. Those girls hold me together without even knowing it. Lovely, lovely, lovely.

BE THEEEERREE :)

ADELAIDE ENTERTAINMENT CENTRE

Wednesday June 2, 2010

Registration 11:00am to 6:30pm

 

humour me

I watched the clouds float by as it rained this morning. They were moving so fast. Why is everything moving so fast these days? Why does only rain fall from them? They were so white and fluffy last time I checked. Why can't wishing stars fall instead? Why do things always get worse before they get better?

Don't you dare tell me 'that's life' or 'that's just how it is'. Because I've heard that excuse before. There has to be something more. Please just pull the wool off my eyes and tell me it's another Santa-based scam. It's all fake, right? There's another meaning to life?

Where have all my answers gone?

The Cassette Kids.

They came to our school today.

Talking to them about their lifestyle after their concert was soooo gooooood. It put me in the best mood for ages afterwards!

My old blue jeans make me feel like me.
Sitting on chairs with my knees facing different directions makes me feel good.
Kissing Moet's forehead makes me feel lucky.
Running around the empty house singing Glee songs at the top of my voice makes me feel fucking fantastic.
Entertaining the idea of a different career option makes me feel insanely curious about life in general. Is that what I'm doing?
These are all the good things that aren't actually new to me. I just never looked at them properly before.

I usually appreciate the little things, like a beautiful hand-written letter from a mate or the sun on my back, but I am the #1 sinner of taking the bigger things for granted, like having a home, and a loving family. I wonder why I do that...

I am also the new 'mum' in our house this week, because she's away in Canberra for work. Dishes, ironing, cooking and cleaning. It's actually so hard, I'm getting worn-out already. How does Mum manage to do it all?!

AAANNND I got a new book to write in from our Cassette Kids session today. YAY!

Dear conscious,

Let's just be insane for a little while. I'm sick of being the same every day. Things need to change. Starting now. Think long, hard and deep. Then tell me what needs to go, what you want to stay. I will let you be in charge. I should probably always let you be in charge. Your voice seems to guide me in the direction I want to go anyway. And now you're telling me to listen. Easy-done.

Let's just twist myself up and snap everything off so we can start again.

OH! And guess what?!

I got new bathers. Thanks Caity ;)

Once a dreamer, always a dreamer.

I can't seem to keep my head out of the clouds. Can't stop thinking, planning, dreaming. I have an endless mental wishlist.

'300 spartans'.
More friends on blogger.
Timeless stories.
Rainbow cake.
Ice-cream cake.
All kinds of cake!
Wicked energy drink.

Hot shower.

Special signs.

Loud music.

Family holidays.

4x4 driving.

Sleeping under the stars.

Staying at Gumnut Cottage.
Staying in town somewhere.
Getting my tattoo.
Dying my hair.
Dying Mo's hair!
Passing Maths.
Passing school!

The only downer is getting your heart broken if it doesn't all happen. But ehhhh. I'll deal with that when it comes I think. I'll just try and smile for now. Try to get my dreams down to plans, down to goals, down to baby steps. And just smile.

Subway antics

Nathan was extremely entertaining tonight. We all went to pick up Dad from the train station, then we drove up to the Blackwood Subway from there.
As he ordered, I couldn't help thinking how different we looked. How anyone guesses we're family is beyond me.
The only thing that stands out with us is our eyes. They're exactly the same.
ANYWAY.
He entertained me by being himself. Which was beautiful.
He told the lady his order so clearly, pronouncing every single syllable. It was funny freakin' hilarious!
CARROT
LETTUCE
NO, THANKYOU
It absolutely made my night. I just had to crack a few giggles. Dad joked along with me of course, being the guy he is. What a bliss family moment.

what do YOU think?

They want him to know the truth of her. Of course she would be hurt by that. To think that your friends value your ex's feelings more than your own. But it is their business. So why do they want him to know? Because it was wrong in their book? She's not you, and she probably doesn't live by your morals. Opinions are all good and well, but if you give, you have to accept. To not accept and to push your own is rude. If it was me, I would be outraged to be backed into a corner like that.
Maybe they should try to leave other people to themselves? You cannot protect anyone from life. It will only leave you damaged. Just be there.
In saying that, she knows my opinion about it all. We've talked in circles, trying to work through it like people try to work through life. It does not mean I'm the good guy here. I'm just trying not to be part of someone else's conflict.

This also applies to my other girl. From what I have been told, they look like they're in the same boat.

I can see why everyone is pissed off. That is what happens when one person takes 'opinion-sharing' conversations to the next level. All it does is escalate from there.

 

I love how books can open your eyes.

I am reading a wise one at the moment.

I wish I had the wisdom I have now when I was little.

I wish I had the sight now that I had when I was little.

Jade, please come find me. I miss you.

I feel so exhausted.

 But eating non-carby foods makes me feel better.

I am guilty of over-analysing.

I know that I see things in a slightly different light. A lot of people do.
And it re-clicked in my head today that this is how it is.
Although I'm imagining something happening, there's a good chance it won't.
And if I see an expression, it could be a completely different emotion.
Body language is also kinda complicated if you really think it over. Over-analyse it.
Which is what I do with life all the time.
I should stop.
And just accept things.
Maybe more luck would come my way if I just stopped questioning it all? I dunno. Just a thought.

Straight from Bella.

What you see is only half of what I am.

Only a part of me is what I show you.

I display a fraction of my true self.

Everything is just a facade.

It's not the truth of me.

You don't know me.

You never will.

my weekend in a nutshell

I have been having non-cravings lately. It's like, instead of knowing what you want, you know what you don't want.
Lately, I haven't wanted anything carb-wise, and I've been munching down the fruit. How out-of-character. Usually it's the other way around.
AND LIQUIDS! My gosh, I cannot get enough.

I cannot wait to get my tattoo. I'm so excited. It will my my grandfather's locket charm on my right hip. I'M SO EXCITED.

I'm glad I met Joanne's boyfriend (Luke) the weekend just gone. I've been pumped for weeks and weeks to finally meet him, and it was in no way a letdown. Yay, yay, yay.
I also loved walking along the shoreline with Lisa. She's a pretty bright little ray of sunshine.

'If you ever try and have a bath to drown your sorrows, I'm warning you, they know how to swim.'
No words describe my awe for the wise person who said that.

Also, my immune system isn't working properly.
Heavy head, runny nose, dead muscles. It's not fun.

I want to start breaking down my dreams into achieveable pieces.
I want to get winter over and done with.
I want to be fun-size.
I want to show mis padres the TAFE creative writing course.
I want to be borderline.

meerghh.

A Studio 2000 photoshoot

=

a sure fire way to be depressed about yourself.

Horrible day.

Fuck you.

You knew how excited I was.
You could see it plastered across my face, shining through my voice.
You knew what it meant for me to say it.
AND YOU IGNORED IT ALL and burst the only bubble I've had for quite a while.
Fuck you.

Are things really as bad as them seem at the time?
Or does it calm down?
I still haven't worked it out. Someone please help me.

Hahaha. I actually lolled at this.

Make pairs.

13/5/2010

You Should Fight.
Life at the moment is not simple. It should be.
But the weird situations I'm in are quite complex. And that's making me think differently.
But even if life stresses you out a bit, you shouldn't let it. You should fight. Which is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm not ready for a breakdown yet! It's not my que. I refuse for it to ruin my weekend.
This saturday/sunday, I'm simply going to pause my life. Everything will work itself out. Just keep your head down and stay busy until then, it will be okay.

I'm also sick of being dragged into other people's gravity. Why am I letting myself fall away until I'm hopelessly persuaded? It's ridiculous that I can't do what REALLY makes me happy. It may not be clear, but I don't want the shit you keep throwing on me.

One day soon, I'm gonna give you hell.

14/5/2010

Get Lonely.

I have never wanted to just get out of here more than now.

Get away from people in general.

Out of this world altogether would actually be great, thankyou.

To get lonely. For the pure reason of appreciating people more. I know I do with my mates. But random people, I'm starting to get soooo frustrated with!

Or maybe it's myself I'm meant to be frustrated at.

Because if you can't accept others, how the hell are you ever going to accept yourself?

DON'T STOP! BELIEVING!

inspiring,

energetic,

confident,

attractive,

brilliant,

spine-tingling,

breath-taking,

goosebump-makers.

wow this is corny.
but what amazing human beings.

is this what self-worry feels like?

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

I had the worst day possible.

Everything that I didn't expect to screw up, did. Now my foundations are gone. Fuck this.

Mi hermoso amigo, don't over-analyse this. I've been through worse.

Oh, and it's final. I've given up on romantic love.

just MAYBE

Tonight has seemed a lot longer than my other nights.
Maybe because I didn't sleep away half my evening.
Maybe because I didn't feel like eating.
Maybe because I did work, then nothing, as opposed to doing something all night.
Maybe because I tried to describe my dreams.
Maybe because I cleaned up my school life.

Maybe because I'm building on my plans, not just dreaming anymore.

Maybe because I feel like every little bit of hard work I put in is finally paying off. That's a good feeling.

Maybe because I know I'm heading in a new direction?

How beautiful.

I'm re-discovering my house. It's more fun than I thought it would be, considering I started out to do a list of jobs that I previously wrote on my whiteboard, and obviously became extremely distracted. Gaaah. Well done Taylor.
But it's actually kinda rewarding. I'm getting fuzzy feelings every 2 seconds!

First thing I found were some new photo albums in the cupboard with un-seen old photos! One album for Nathan, and one for me. They were absolutely adorable. I loved how I could remember growing up, and getting to where I was today. That was scary; all the memories that flooded me. Very emotional.

Second thing I found was a box of my old exchange student's gifts. One gift had been a book that she wrote for us about her life back in Japan. It was cute cute cute cute cute! I couldn't believe I'd forgotten about her so quickly. What a bitch I am.

Third thing was my old Sims CD-Rom! Hell yes! Ahhh good times during last winter, lazing around at home playing that lame old game while it poured with freezing rain just past the window. How beautiful.

My photo albums talked to me. They said to never forget where you came from. You can't run from it, so why try?
My old exchange student's inspired me to go on exchange to Spain. Next year maybe. That would be amazing.
And I don't want to let myself get like I did last winter. Winter blues, and cooping myself up way too much. Or maybe I shouldn't force myself to do what doesn't feel right.
I guess we'll find out soon enough. Let it rain.

little secrets.

My mate and I had a good chat on the way to school yesterday.
It was weird how comfotable I was with him. Maybe because we'd known each other a while. I'm not sure, really.
He broke down all my walls in 6 minutes flat. I told him my darkest secret. He told me his. And surprisingly, it was shared. The world lifted off our shoulders knowing that someone else was in the same boat.

He reminded me that positivity is good. Since that moment, I've thought both sides of things through, but always gone with the positive side. And to consiously do that, feels amazingincrediblewonderfulfantastic!

We walked into caregroup that day with big smiles.

HOW COOL IS MY HAT?!

This sounds utterly nuts. But I'M NOT CRAZY

Like every other school morning, I automatically started tuning out the daily notices until something sparked my attention. But for once, it wasn't what I was hearing that made me pay attention. It was what I saw.
My eyes re-focused, and I saw something beautiful. There's no other way to describe how amazing it was.
Actually, scrap that, I can't even explain it! If I tried, you'd think I was crazy.
(Don't comment on that last sentence!)
The book peeked out at me. The peeking grew into looking, which grew into staring, which grew into... um, violet staring?
It was the only book on the whole shelf that I could see the title of. It became so bold, and catchy, I just had to borrow it. That's a 'need' had, not a 'want' had. As I said before, I can't explain it properly.
My hand itched toward my ID card and I quickly glanced cross the room to double check the book wasn't imaginary. Yet there it was, clearer than ever, pulling me towards it. I can't believe I didn't see it before!
When the bell rang, I fought the urge to sprint desperately across the room and whip the book off the shelf until our caregroup had left the area.
The book was heavy in my hands. I turned it over gently and saw 'A MAJOR TELEVISION SERIES PRODUCED BY London Weekend Television FOR Channel Four Television.'
So it was reliable enough that it had been publicised? I studied the front cover again closely. His eyes bore into me, full of goodness and truth. It wouldn't have made a difference what I found on the cover. I still needed that book.
The librarian knows me quite well, being the bookworm that I am, but she didn't comment on my change of reading styles.
Everyone noticed that I was holding a book. I wasn't waving it through the air, was I? Did I look exceptionally happy? Or confused? Or what? The title wasn't visible to them, but their eyes still flicked to it. Maybe they didn't register that they'd noticed. But I couldn't read their expressions as they avoided my eyes.
The book fitted it quite snugly in my locker, amongst my other textbooks. That was weird. I thought it would look completely out of place.

Now I'm the type of person that knows there's something bigger than human kind out there. But I don't believe in any religions. What's that called again? Ehhh, I forget.
My little book was called 'Jesus. The evidence', by Ian Wilson.
Don't ask me questions about it. I've told you all I can in my strange over-dramatic way of writing.
But I will let you know what I think of it. But I don't think it will change my view of the world/after-life/supernatural/miracles/whatever I've missed.

Are you superwoman?

I think that's a super-cute cartoon. A few years old, but very cute.
Mothers might as well be superheros. They manage to put up with everything and never break down, screaming like a little kid in a supermarket. I can almost hear it now: 'It's too hard! I don't wanna do it anymore!'
The netball injuries.
The cooking/cleaning. (Yes, that comes under one category)
The adolescent years.
The backchat.
The household issues.
The school fistfights.
The husband! Or the single-mum status!
The emotional rollercoaster.

On top of all that, they still worry about you, where you're going, who you're meeting, if you're safe. They still don't give two shits if you screw up their sleeping patterns over your own stupid nightmares. They still make your lunch for you every day. They still whip checklists off the top of their head of things you're forgetting. They still think you're the best kid in the world!

If that doesn't class as superhero, I don't know what does.

Jessica Szohr ♥

My sleep deprived ramblings

3:00 AM.

I love how light can change things. The passage looks safe tonight, while the toilet looks meanacing. Ha! Usually it's the other way around. I normally feel like someone is going to spear tackle me when I pass through the passage. Or just torture me, murder me, something. Isn't it funny how that never happens? How weird tonight, that my safe spot was not my destination, but my journey.

I love how everything's dead quiet. There are four walls around me that at the moment, are my strength. There is a pile of books not 10 feet from me. I have fresh, clean water to drink.

I love how I have the freedom to get wrapped up and leave the house. Go for a nightwalk. Watch the stars. Clear my head. Wash myself with a soothing moonlight.

I hate how my stomach's rumbling! How the hell can one person be SO hungry in the early morning?! I'm craving a banana, but there's a voice in my head reminding me there's none left. Fruit me, please somebody! Put me out of my misery.

I hate how my two money tins are only half full. I'm going to need many more and I have HALF. Only HALF. Sweeeeet Jessus I need a job. It's pathetic trying to save money otherwise.

I hate that I haven't done anything about the 'Young Writers Award' competition. The sheet is peeking out at me from across the room. Beckoning me. Teasing me. You know what? I will do it on Saturday, when I am relaxed, free. I already have notes all lined up and eagerly written down. Sweeeet!


I love that I don't have answers to all my problems.

MY PLAN:

Go and visit all the surf shops and raid their summer sales for one piece bathers with the cut-outs!
Goddamnit I want some.
And if I end up with a body like hers, it's a bonus.

curves ♥

This is my new thing-of-the-moment! And needless to say, it's amazing, the people and great, and there's NO MEN to judge you while you work out.
And for the people out there who do 3 hours of sports training and say 'Pffft, curves? That's not a real workout!'. You should learn to not judge a book by it's cover.
I cannot stress to you enough that it's harder than it looks.
Goddamn, I feel great.

Christie sweetie, you were right.

My dreams aren't getting any better.

This was just how they did it here. There was no way out of it unless you wanted them to rampage. But I wish I could change it, somehow.
Out of the small group of people on the other side of the room, a boy slowly stepped forward. He had straight, dark hair that whipped around and framed his deep blue eyes. His cheekbones and jawline were hard lines, sexy as hell. One side of his mouth curved upwards into an irresistible smirk. He thought he would win! My hate for him bubbled up inside me furiously.
My side didn't want to fight, but had to go through the motions. He was just plain cruel. I couldn't believe it.
By the end of it all, they were both drunk as hell (to numb the pain), although they might've not bothered. From the shit they put each other through, it wouldn't have made a difference.
Stupid concept. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
'I want her, him, and her.' He pointed at me on the last one. Ohhhh thank god lovely, thankyou for keeping me safe.
The dark-haired boy shook his head.
'Not her.' His flipped an excited expression over to me, so quick I almost didn't see it.
'But I-'
'NOT HER.' His voice came out cold and flat. Obviously this guy meant business. My rage was wrapping itself quickly around me, restricting me to even the tiniest movement. I knew if I let myself move an inch, I would push past my little barrier and kill him. I would kill him.

this is my whinging post.

Today was exhausting. Out in the surf, fighting against currents with the rain pelting hard onto our skin. It would be unnecessary to say more.
The bus dropped us back at school, dispirited and chilled to the bone. While some students were lucky enough to get rides home, I had to walk, carrying my two extremely heavy bags while it poured with rain. I felt like collapsing.
I stumbled through the front door, drenched from head to toe, dropped my bags heavily at my feet, and ran for the shower.
Later on, I gave in to the welcoming warmth of the heater. I complained to Moet for a while, and then did something completely out of character. I fell asleep.
Please let me explain that 'nanna naps' do not consume my daylight hours, and never have. I can't even fall asleep in the car/on a plane! So I was shocked when Mum was nudging me awake and offering subway for dinner.
I've been moody since I woke up. I feel like death.
I remember why 'nanna naps' don't consume my daylight hours. Because of this feeling.
Fuck this.
Just get me to bed, where I can be happy and warm in my dreams.

'What's been going on in your life?'

Such an innocent comment. But how the hell do you even begin to explain something as complex as life? How do people do it?!

it's a new life

I'm sitting here eating my sultana bran, the best cereal on this planet.
I'm reading things.
I'm researching things.
And that's making me think preeeeettty deeply about life.
About what I want to do, where I want to go, who i am really. what the meaning of life is...
Yeaaaaah. It's pretty corny. But I'm seriously thinking about it.
And I just realised that these thoughts will probably nudge at me all day. Damnit.

When I was younger, my friend and I thought up a theory about our universe being in a box. The box was massive to us (because we've never reached the end of the universe), but it was actually just sitting somewhere bigger. In a world that we could NOT IMAGINE. There were other boxes too, so when your died in our universe, your spirit would be transported to the next box and re-born into a baby. It's like that episode of 'The Simpsons' when Lisa accidentally creates life. Kinda.

I'm just so excited for today. The year 11's have Aquatics today and tomorrow. Yay!

(besides the fact that it's thunder storming outside. not so yay?)

Ahhhh well. Life is (apparently) unfair, but i feel good. Go figure.

You make me want to cry!

There are some people in this world that are so pretty, it hurts.
Like, some of the girls at my school? I think I actually cringe when I see them. How embarrassing.
Here I am, trying to up my self-confidence, and these beauties are allowed to walk the earth.
I'm trying not to grab a bowl of ice-cream from the kitchen. But it's so hard.
Do these un-noticed models get these cravings? And how the hell do they resist?!
HOW IS THIS FAIR?!
asfdwadalkdwauiezbfhvw4ejksc


I also think tutus should come into fashion.

'Tell me why'

Why, why, why.
WHY.

Taylor Swift. The beautiful, charming, sexy Taylor Swift.
You got a hair cut? A STRAIGHT hair cut?! What the hell did you do that for?

EARTH CALLING TAYLOR
Do you honestly have no idea how much people pay for curls like yours?! How much people wish that their hair would sit like that?! Yours sits like that naturally and YOU HAD TO GET A HAIR CUT.

And no, you can't wear her hair curly with a front fringe. Not when you're a celebrity.

Disappointed.

It's possible to pause life.

Make sure you have options. Not just one thing to do.
I did that today; opened myself up to a few different things. And I didn't take any of them, because I didn't want to. I just left them by my feet and watched the world go by from where I was. I watched the trees wave at me. I watched the black and white signs flash by. I watched the grapes grow.
And you know what? That's okay.

If you don't stop once in a while and look around, appreciate things a bit, you'll miss the things that you were looking for all along.

Quote Miley Cyrus:
'Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side. It's the climb.'

So go out, have fun, forget everything for a while, and be grateful for the beautiful jems around you. Because all anyone has is a tiny fragment of time in this world. Don't worry about where you're heading for the moment. Take a break from life, and live.

Horrorshow ♥

They hit you like, shop here, wear this, want this, love this, be this,
buy that, log in, sign up, tune in, click here, watch this, read up,
write back, so much too know, and so many things to own,
tv in your home and your mobile phone make sure that you're
never really alone, and its pathetic, like a global epidemic,
attention span so fragmented, so addicted to being connected,
we now getting updates by the second, but its all time wasted,
enough myspace and facebook prime for the taking, but the
whole world look, getting high on information, post-generation
y babies they call them the digital natives, hide behind their
monitors, this technology kills imagination, excuse my
cynicism, in a world where every kids best friend
is a computer, is a system failure headed for
an apathetic future, just a few centuries
back they made maps of a flat world
by candle light, now the whole

world's at your fingertips,

map right down to

your street by

satellite.

You can't do it alone.

Today was a really good day.

A boy on the bus gave me his change to buy a ticket.

The girls went out for dinner, and spent approximately 99.9% of the time laughing.

I bought and labelled two separate money boxes, which are already jingling with coins.

I completed every school-related task that I might have recently been stressing about.

I am completely over some prick who didn't deserve me in the first place.

These things make me happy.

I'm not going to detail it. I just can't. It was too good. Indescribable, some might call it.

You have good days, you have bad days, you have to take the best with the worse, rah rah raaaah...

I call it 'talking to the universe'.

Don't you laugh. DON'T.

Seriously!

You have to try this. I think it works. For me, at least.

Yeaaah, maybe I'm just some silly superstitious teen. Okay. I am some silly superstitious teen.

BUT HEY! At least I have faith in something. It's usually healthy to depend on something/someone other than yourself. A good thing to let someone else in. You can't do it alone.

That's what I've heard anyway.

I just rambled on a lot.

Probably too much for your liking.

If anybody actually reads this.

Shit. I'm doing it again.

STOPPING TALKING!

such a good day!

But that's it,

I wish I wouldn't cry in Maths.

But I can't stop reading good books.

I wish there was enough time to finish watching our class film for English Studies.

But I have lots of commitments.

Being yourself is a tall order. It's takes it's toll on others, and/or yourself. But it's worth it in the end.

I wish there was more to say.

But that's it, right there.

i have a plan!

and ohh-ohh-ohhhh!

IT'S GOOD.

I'm pretty happy with myself for working out what i want. All that silence and reflecting finally got to me.

I'm going to do the 'evening hospitality package' in 2012 at the Australian School of Bartending.

I'm going to try and get a job back here in Adelaide.

Once I have enough money saved up, I will take The Ghan up to Darwin, and of course, attempt to get a job up there.

Once I have enough money saved up, I will go to another Australian city... do you see my plan?

I can work in my backup job, write, and travel at the same time!

Why didn't I think of this before?! I wasted so much time. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I am also including Bali and Malta in my travel/work plan.

I will end up living in Spain. Hopefully I'll travel first class; the air time is utterly lengthy.

I feel like Spain is 'el lugar para estar' ♥

A travel-writer. Yeaaaaah.

that girl waved.

Tiny frame, strawberry blonde hair, bright blue eyes. Adorable.

And it wasn't like a 'HEY THERE' wave, it was more like a 'i'm-shy-but-i-want-to-wave-to-you-so-i-will' wave. Cute-as.

Was she just friendly, or did she recognize me? Is she a naturally happy child? Is she a good actor? Is she even worth dedicating this post to? Or will she grow up to be Jesus the second?

Does it even matter?

Will I ever see her again? I hope so.

Because weirdly enough, that little smile was all I needed to make me fly again. That feeling. She topped it.

no willpower

i really need to stop cutting my hair everytime i feel rebellious. i might shave it all off one day.

Sure, i like it now. But what about in a weeks time, a months time...?

Geeeeeeaaah.

Time to go to bed. I'm zonked.

My Wish List

reflect from me.

Quiet support means the world to me.

I have horrible dreams. Some people call them nightmares. I don't want to burden others. I don't want to want to have shaking fists and cold feet. And I definitely don't want to feel so sleep-deprived anymore.
I'm going to make my bad dreams into stories. I want them published. Hopefully it will help people to not feel as scared as I do.

When I was younger, I had a book. No, that's a lie. I had many books. And they were filled with my thoughts. Mostly thoughts. 'A secret that I'm wondering if he kept.'
Please envision that it has a double meaning.

I've also started writing my own 'Bucket List'. Ohhh yeaah. I have BIG plans.

To the people who actually read my rambling thoughts bullshit.
THANKYOU.

I'm pretty sure my mate's blog is amazing. She inspires me. I urge you to visit.

Two halves make a whole?

I need to stop reading horror books. I need to teach myself not to believe in the supernatural. I need to write more, get everything out on paper. I need to not let little everyday things scare the shit out of me.
What the hell is wrong with me.

'If you take me, you have to take all of me.'
Well, guess what?
If you take me, you have to take all of me. And that includes that fucked up parts, the broken parts, the snapped, bruised and ripped apart parts. I wonder what I'll choose. And if you'll think all my crap is worth your while.
But I do know that two halves make a whole.

you preclude me

I don't understand how somone can be so sweeet-hott and then SNAP, they're like ice. If it's possible for humans to be able to take over elements, this one's done it masterfully.

I don't want to snub. I don't. But you're becoming impossible to keep quiet about. And that's making cracks in my defense.

preeminent importance

cry, kelly clarkson
i am in love with that song. sweet jesus it makes me feel better. lets scream for days on end and cry out everything. it just fits.

i'm also on a small Twilight relapse. Yesterday, I read Twilight, then watched both movies Twilight and New Moon, then started reading Eclipse. Okay. Maybe it's a huge relapse. And yet again, I can't wait to finish the last book in the series. I'm dead hopeless.

have faith

it's funny how to me, a lighted candle means hope. and i feel a lot safer around it. Ha ha.
it's also pretty weird that you can quickly drag your finger through the flame without being burnt. And then your fingers smell like roses. i figured i'd chosen my purfume for the day as the scent swirled around me magically, calming me to my core.

I remember my dream last night. Family friends, off on a whirlwind adventure. playing hide and seek. yet i was the only one who thought to use the other houses...
I was given a book of 4 stories by a blank-face, all circled around a young woman and her fight against humanity aswell as immortality. they were ones that the outside world believed to be myths. but we knew better; they were real. but i knew the stories already, confusion spilling out everywhere. she didn't know why i knew her life story, so she summoned me to the tallest room.
i never found out what happened.
i can think of so many new endings. but why spoil it now? i'll write quietly. and you will read it sooner than you think.

enlighten me baby

I don't think i've ever realised it. how i distract myself with endless movies or books, series of stories that kept me half entertained. they filled me with false satisfaction. something that comes from only one thing; distress.
it's dawned on me now. i get it. although i'm scared shitless about what i have to do, i understand that it's the only way to grow, learn, live. SURVIVE.
i need to turn myself inside out. tear it all apart. start again. face my fears. get everything straight. then once i'm happy with the outcome, i'll allow life to twist it up again. but not yet. not now. not when i need a potent state of mind the most.
And it'll make me stronger. hopefully.

i've found that swearing makes me feel better.

you can't fly higher without first getting your wings clipped.
well, i feel like i've had my wings torn off. but that's okay. because it always gets worse before it gets better.

i hate that fucking car. i thought i made that pretty clear. i don't say things just because i feel like it; usually, i mean them. so of course i'm gonna be fucking moody if you want me to drive it, let alone SIT IN IT. fuck you.

i knew it

i knew there was something missing. there was something there, hiding under the surface. well, you can screw up that plan and go back to your drawing board. because i found it all. the letter, the photo, THE LIES.
i'm so sick of not being told things because you want to 'protect me'. IT WOULD BE GOOD if I knew what i was being 'PROTECTED' from! maybe it would be even better if i actually had a say. because i know my voice isn't here just to sing. or you know what, maybe it is. maybe you don't want to hear my opinion about all this childish BULLSHIT. well fuck you all. you can go and cry and scream at each other for all i care. and i will be silent as always, the innocent, out-of-the-loop one, like you planned all along. pricks.

Just let this go.

i seriously enjoy being complicated. It makes me feel like a writer. It also makes me feel a lot like I'm lying. So here's my plan, straight-up;

-dye my own hair

-get some proper shape

-paint my room

And yes, I feel like I can't compare, so of course I need this plan.