I must be a good actor.

Tears prick the corners of my eyes, threatening to overflow and stream down my face. But i force in the sandbags that blocks them up again. Why the hell do i always want to cry in such a positive situation?!
I do try to be optimistic, but it doesn't really work. I would make it big in the acting business.
I can't take a compliment. Not truly. That little voice in my head always pipes in, screaming at me, alarm bells clanging against my temples. It yells, 'she's lying!' or 'it can't be true!'. I never really block out that person giving the compliment. But I sure as hell don't believe them. Am I only not getting my hopes up so I don't get shot back down?
Isn't the whole point of life to be happy? Well, I know you can't be happy without taking chances. And I've decided that I don't take enough chances.